“I’m not going to buy new clothes until I lose weight.” Words I have spoken to myself all too often in my life. For many years I thought I would play reverse psychology with myself. I thought by saying I wouldn’t buy clothes until I lost weight I would miraculously lose it because anyone who knows me knows I kind of like clothes. You know, at that time I said that I thought I was challenging myself, trying to make myself better. Looking back now I realized I unknowingly was punishing myself. 

You know something I love more than clothes? My husband. I love him more than anything in this world (I love Jesus more than him, but that’s it). He is seriously my favorite human being in the universe. I cannot fathom telling my husband he could not buy clothes for himself until he lost weight. I cannot imagine telling my nieces they couldn’t buy clothes until they lost weight. Much less my mother or sister…I would never tell them something like that. Would you? No, right?

SO WHY IS IT OK FOR US TO TALK TO OURSELVES THIS WAY?

Here’s my answer. It’s because most of the time we don’t realize it’s happening. Our self-talk has become so normalized throughout the years we have accepted it. You know the self-talk I speak of, the words we think while looking in the mirror, or the times we say something before we take a test we know we are going to fail (yet somehow pass) or the “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve” chats we give ourselves. I used to chronically think this way, sometimes I have to catch myself, but for the most part, something shifted. Now I am able to point to the lie. You may be wondering how I hear “lies.” Well, it wasn’t a super dramatic event that took place but it was a supernatural prayer. I invited Jesus to help me pay attention to my thinking, I invited him into my weight loss journey in a different way. I invited HIM to help me identify what changes needed to be made and surprisingly, they had so much to do with my self-talk. One of these days I will share journal entries from years of weight loss arguments/battles and even plea bargains I’ve had with God. I always thought I was the problem. I always thought I did something wrong. I didn’t do enough. I wasn’t trying hard enough. I was too fat. I was lazy. I wasn’t beautiful enough. I. Wasn’t. Thin. And. I. Never. Would. Be. 

BUT THEN…I turned to JESUS and it went a little something like this:

Jesus, I need you. I can’t distinguish the truths from the lies. I need you to help me see what is right. Help me to love myself the way YOU do. I am a woman called to Freedom. I am called to live an abundant life and today I choose that life. Give me the strength to stop the lies and to cling to what is true. In Jesus name…AMEN!

In the weeks that followed I paid attention. I started to hear the lies. If it didn’t bless or build me then I knew those words were intended to destroy me and they had to go! Once I demolished them in my heart and mind, I kept moving forward, and I find myself today feeling a type of freedom I have truly never experienced.

So, I would like to encourage you to stop punishing yourself, be brave and listen for the lies. I would even go a step further and ask you to pray the prayer I shared above. Ask God to come in and change your heart and your thinking. Choose the abundant life and know that HE desires that for you! Once you have prayed I ask that you listen. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and listen as you look in the mirror, go to school/work or even the mall. It will take time and grace but if you seek HIM you will find HIM and some of you will see/hear HIS truth for you in the most amazing and yet random ways. You may need to buy yourself something. You may need to give yourself a break. Stop punishing yourself. Be Brave. Seek Truth. Love yourself. You’re worth every bit of the journey. 

I have attached a song by Lauren Daigle called “YOU SAY” and it fits perfectly.

“You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours”

Listen to it and pray. If you need someone to speak to please feel free to contact me. I believe Gods best for your life. 

The Best is YET to come!

Love you, 

“…Then you will know the TRUTH and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32